COUPLES COUNSELLING
ESTABLISH REAL
TOGETHERNESS
FIRST STEPS
I offer an exploratory consultation which will last 90 minutes. I will seek to understand from you both what it is that brings you to therapy and where the relationship is in difficulty. The areas for focus we shall explore are: Communication, Meetings each other’s needs, Context and Commitment, Sex and Sensuality, Change of Circumstance, Monogamy and Affairs, and Conflict.
I elaborate on each of these areas elsewhere on this page and it would be helpful take a look before we meet. It may be that you and your partner see the relationship challenges differently and that is understandable. The aim of the initial Consultation is to gain clarity on the work that needs to be done from both perspectives as well as discuss how I work and answer any questions and concerns that you may have. We will then conclude with a next step recommendation on how best to proceed. It is important to point out that I provide a non-judgmental service and work in the strictest of confidence. For further infomration on each of these areas download the Areas of Focus PDF.
THERAPEUTIC APPROACH
My professional approach to supporting you both acknowledges that we, human beings are incredibly complex individuals. Yet, what we read, what we see in film and what we experience through interacting with other couples suggests that relationships should be easy, effortless, and plain sailing, but this is an illusion.
The reality is that coming together to form a partnership substantially adds to the starting point of one’s own complexity; so rather than ‘plain sailing’ relationships are anything but; and more akin to a matchbox on a stormy open sea. The support I provide is helping you both to make sense of the invisible dynamics taking place within your relationship and to navigate a way through. There is a way to establish (or to reestablish) togetherness, and happiness as well as to further find ways to enhance and build on the foundation that you have both built together thus far.
MILESTONES
The main focus of the work is not to analyse you or your partner; that is what takes place in individual counselling. Instead, I analyse the relationship interface; how you both present yourselves to each other and how you interrelate. It is true that, in part, each individuals personality, shaped by all of their ‘past experiences’ will influence both positively and negatively the relationship dynamic; and some of this cannot help but feature in the work that we may go on to do. However, I actively facilitate and maintain a clear focus on how you affect one another in the here and now, that is what will address the relationship issues and therefore the majority of the work focus is on the ‘present experience’.
The first milestone will be to reach consensus on the aims of the work, underlying causes and commitment for that work; some initial individual sessions may be recommended to support achieving this milestone. Secondly, to identify, observe and acknowledge personal behaviour in the relationship dynamic and the resulting impact. Thirdly, to reach acceptance for the personal and joint changes needed to be made for the benefit of the relationship. Fourthly, the removal of the underlying causes. Fifthly, to identify and work towards an ending of the work. This duration of this work is usually over a period of 3 and 9 months.